#Can We Have a Moment, Please?
The #MeToo movement has stirred the shit.
Obviously. Understandably. FINALLY.
And there has been pushback. OF COURSE.
Most notably there has been pushback in the form of comparisons between “What Harvey Weinstein Did” and “Everything Else,” the “It-Wasn’t-As-Bad-As-THAT” argument that we have all heard. The scales of justice have been trotted out, where on one side of the balance we put Al Franken’s liberal politics and good deeds as the Democratic Senator of Minnesota and on the other, his sexual misconduct. There has been dismay and anger when comments about a continuum of heinousness from, say, Matt Damon, are met with outrage. He was trying to be supportive, right?
Look, I get that our anger is scary for some of you out there, though I would ask you to consider that there is a continuum of “Scary” here, a real one, in fact, where “Legitimate Anger of Pissed Off Women” is closer to the “Not Scary” end than is, say “Threat of Losing My Livelihood if I Report Sexual Assault,” let alone the reality of sexual violence.
Grow a pair.
And in the meantime? Shut the fuck up and let us have a moment.
#MeToo has given voice to anger and outrage that have been brewing for centuries. It has become large enough, and loud enough, to make millions of victims feel safe enough, finally, to speak out and express that anger and to motivate people to listen and take this issue more seriously than ever before in history.
Yes, men and women need to work together on this issue. And as Dave Chappelle said in his newest comedy special, that means women are going to have to accept the help of imperfect allies, those who are willing to understand, to admit their mistakes or wrong-headed ideas, learn from them and be a part in making change a reality.
Yes. Yes Yes Yes.
But it’s also a brand new movement so can we have a moment, please, OUR moment, to be really pissed off before you start temporizing or arguing about “technicalities,” about whether or not, for example, someone has the “right” to be as upset or traumatized by assault as someone who experienced “mere” harassment?
Women’s anger has always been discouraged, dismissed, shut down, labeled “inappropriate,” “unfeminine,” and been punished.
Don’t do that to us here. Not again. Not now. Not this time.
When one has been assaulted and harassed in any form, shutting down anger and pain about the experience kills a person, body and soul. Acknowledging what happened, being angry and putting shame that has been internalized back on the perpetrator, where it belongs, HEALS. Anger is a necessary stage in recovering personal dignity. Anger is fuel for social change.
But right now? Don’t tell us it’s time to move on. We’ll let you know when we’re ready.
Right now? Don’t dictate how we should feel. Respect our feelings.
And if you’re confused? Ask questions before you start offering your opinion, for fuck’s sake.
We’re aware that we must work together to end this, or any, form of social injustice. We <em>want</em> allies, <strong>even imperfect ones</strong>. But we’re going to get to that on our own timetable. It is not up to you to judge when the moment is right. Your job is to accept that our anger is understandable, appropriate, and to give us the proper space we need to express it.
This is the most important, and respectful, form of support you can possibly offer us right now.
~ LEP ~