By now, we all know, hopefully, the critical importance of a “Yes” truly meaning “Yes” in a sexual context.

That’s not what I want to talk about.

What I want to talk about is the importance of saying “Yes” only when you mean it in more mundane circumstances, like invitations to do something, inquiries into preferences (eg: Do you like this?), being asked a favor and the like. Too often we will say “Yes” when we want to say “No” in order to please, or not offend, someone else, and we justify doing whatever is being asked because it’s not that big of a deal…

Sound familiar?

If you find yourself in a situation where you want to say “No” but are having an internal dialogue about whether or not what the other person is asking is really such a big deal, or worrying about how they will respond to your honest “No,” here are some things to think about:

1. It is your perfect right to say “No.”
2. Saying “No” and how someone responds to your “No” are two different issues and should not be confused in your decision.
3. Your integrity is important. It’s part of loving and taking care of yourself, something we all need to do more often. Practicing integrity makes for healthy boundaries, it makes your word trustworthy and it impacts your self-respect, even when it comes to the small stuff.
4. Saying “Yes” will cost you anything from minor inconvenience and a small time suck to doing something you don’t like with people you don’t like, to deep resentment or maybe even a financial hit that you can’t afford.

If even after considering these 4 things you aren’t sure whether to say “Yes” or “No,” remember – the unconscious mind is wiser than the conscious mind. The conscious mind can rationalize and talk us into doing just about anything. The unconscious mind has no such guile and it will tell us the truth of what we want and how we feel through the body. So if you find yourself in this situation, do a gut check.

Follow its wisdom.